Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Guten Morgen!

Well, I'm up early, since I have a lot to do today. But since I've been through the wringer over the last few days, I thought I'd give you a quick update on how things are going in this pitiful little life. ;)

Work is going as well as usual. We made goal for the umpteenth time in a row, which is good, but I can't help but think that bad things are coming on the horizon. I've been hearing some things about some of the other stations in the company having to reduce staff and even though we're doing well, budget-wise, I wonder if and when it'll hit us. But I shouldn't let things like that bother me, yet. As long as I go out there, and keep doing a good job I should be okay... But I don't think it'd be a bad idea to touch-up the old resume, either!

Other than that, it's going well. I'm broadcasting the Madison and Tri-Valley games on AM 1390 and FM 103.1 this week for the State "A" tournament in Sioux Falls. It'll be a bit hectic, but I have to remember... it beats the hell out of working at Citibank!

Personal life has not been so fortunate. As has been reflected in earlier postings (and one that's been tossed into the virtual incinerator), the woman I love did not return those feelings. And I'll admit I was pretty mad and I said some pretty rotten things to her in order to assuage my broken heart. I should have followed the advice of Abe Lincoln, who suggested writing a spiteful, venomous, hateful letter to that person and then throw it away. But I failed to do that and now I not only lost the love of my life, but a good friend... double bonus points for me! :(

This little episode shouldn't bother me, but it does. It's amazing that I can be so successful in so many areas of my life, yet fail so completely in this one part. I know it's her loss and that I have so much to offer, but at the same time it seems that every time I find someone, it blows up in my face. My buddy Stadem says that the right woman will come along and completely blow me away when I least expect it. Call me cynical, but the only way that I'll probably be "blown away" is if she's wearing a vest stuffed with plastic explosives!

I talked with my friend Genie about this last night. I've been pretty much a loner in affairs of the heart for a long time. I knew something was missing, but it never bothered me because, frankly, you can't miss what you don't have. When I fell in love, it felt like that missing piece arrived and for the first time in my life I felt whole. And it felt GOOD! And now that it's gone out of my life again, I'm more miserable than ever. And I question a) Will I ever find that missing piece in my life again? and b) Do I even DESERVE such happiness? At this point in my life, both are a resounding "NO".

I'm doing a lot of thinking now... I feel like saying "To Hell With This" and running away and not letting anyone know where I am. A fresh start, if you will... No work stress, no family stress, and no Nicci. Especially no Nicci. But as pathetic as it sounds, I'll probably just stay here and mope.

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