Frustration Chronicles #1: Nicci

Sorry that I've been incommunicado, faithful readers (all three of you!), but it's been a pretty hectic, frustrating kind of a month. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is collapsing in on itself and you're left with one of those dinky circus umbrellas to shield yourself against the falling rocks.

So, instead of keeping it in and letting it fester, I've decided to let it out in the open, a catharsis, if you will. I call it the "Frustration Chronicles." And believe me, I have more than enough material!

The most pressing source of my frustration right now has to deal with Nicci. In case you're wondering, "What's a Nicci", let me assure you that a Nicci is not a "what" but a "who". To be more specific, the woman I love and who is again my greatest source of frustration at this time.

I met Nicci about three years ago. We had a couple of dates, but she had this nasty little habit of either breaking things off when things got interesting or simply just disappeared with no logical rhyme or reason. Eventually, she came back, and we really started to enjoy each other's company, so much so we decided to start dating. She was (and still is) the only woman I have ever felt this strongly about.

Well I found out some things. Not going to go into specifics, but they pretty much devastated me... bawling for three days straight kind of devastated. And I broke things off and had no contact with Nicci for a long time.

Fast-forward a year and a half. I had just about gotten over her, pretty much getting on with my life. All of a sudden, on this blog no less, she came back into my life. We agreed to meet for dinner, both of us scared as hell. She explained what had happened and I, for some dumb-assed reason, forgave her. Granted, I was still a bit miffed at her for what she did, but more so that she said she loved me, wanted to marry me, but when the fit had hit the shan a year and a half earlier, she bolted and didn't stand up to fight for me. But I figured if I was to move on with my life, I had to take a first step.

And then, despite all logic, something pretty amazing happened. We both found out we still had feelings for each other. We became friends, we started spending time together again, and while I was still a little leery of getting hurt again, I was ready to resume things before all this big hullabaloo. And then she dumped me for a piece of man-candy.

Well, from having my heart shattered a year and a half before, to being ready to take the plunge again (despite common sense), it was more than I could take. And I was MAD. Not upset, not agitated, not frustrated, but MAD. And I said some pretty horrible things, some that even appeared briefly on this blog before my rational self got a hold of me. And then I did it, I lit off the atomic bomb of the mouth. I said the one thing that devastated her. And as soon as I sent it, I immediately regretted it.

She said it would have been easier to stab her in the heart.

Now it's been almost 3 months. She still hasn't forgiven me for what was essentially something said in the heat of the moment. She said she still has feelings for me, just not the ones that would bring us back together. Frankly, she said friendship is still there.

Well after our trip to Chicago (in which she did a pretty good job of avoiding me unless she absolutely had to) she hasn't called, written, or nothing. In fact, I'm the one that's been trying to keep in contact, after all she said she wants to "be friends".

After much frustration, I finally asked her if she was trying to forget about me... she said "yes." From wanting to be friends to now wanting to forget me; I must have missed a memo somewhere.

So I called her a coward. The only difference between her hurting me and me hurting her is I immediately tried to make amends and not run and hide like she did. Now she's talking about moving away, after telling me that she was glad I didn't take a job in Wyoming (check last year's archives).

I wish this little girl would make up her mind once and for all. Does she want me or doesn't she? When I talk to her, she talks as though the possibility is still there. I've told her on many occasions that I'd be willing to give up everything I've known in my life... my family, my friends, my career, just to be with her for the rest of our lives. If not, then at least tell me so I can forget about you too and get on with my life!

I know she's afraid of being hurt again, but hey, I was afraid of being hurt too when I decided to let her into my heart again. I told her last Friday that she's ripped my heart out so many times, I'm not sure if I ever had one there to begin with! But I'm willing to take that chance, even if things go to pot and we never speak again. At least we would have honestly tried and not hidden behind some chickenshit excuses.

So that's my big frustration right now. And I know that she'll read this (she's one of the three) and probably pass this off as my pathetic ramblings. And more than likely it'll probably alienate her even more. But at the same time, I don't care. I'm fed up with all the frustration that's in my life.

So congratulations, Nicci, you just made my first posting in the "Frustration Chronicles."

A New Venture

So I thought about this over the weekend, and I decided that my life isn't busy enough. I've started a new blog that deals with broadcasting issues. I'm calling it "vox vocis desumo", which is Latin for "the voice electric."

Anyway, feel free to check it out. If you have any questions or opinions or would like to help me in this project, let me know!

Round is not a shape!

A few weeks ago, I got an e-mail from someone. Part of the joke says "I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape!"

Well, I've gotten a little too roly-poly for my liking, so I'm doing something about it. I've decided to get more active and try to be a bit more sensible in my food choices.

Why now, after so many years of being lackadasical? Two reasons... actually, a couple of women that are dear to me. One just turned one and I'm sure she'd like to see her uncle around for a long, long time. The other is just a bit older and she told me this weekend that it'd be nice for me to be around for a while as well. And since I'm in love with both, I'm pretty well screwed in terms of putting up any resistance--I'm a bit of a sucker that way!

So I joined the Community Center in Madison yesterday... not nearly as intimidating as I thought. I'm probably going to take some water exercise classes and do a little weight circuit training to start. And as I get more in shape, perhaps more strenuous stuff. The best part, my dues break down to the cost of a pizza a month!

But the big thing I'd really like to do is to get a bike when I get my rebate check from ol' Dubya. With gas expected near 4-bucks a gallon this summer, it makes sense to not drive my car as much. Granted, if I have a game to do or if I have a remote to do, I'll take the ol' buggy. But to go to and from work is an easy 20-minute workout daily. Only problem is if it's really hot out and I start sweating profusely. Perhaps my boss can look at putting in a shower at the station? LOL

I'm also going to try and watch what I eat, too. I looked at my garbage can and saw a LOT of fast food and pizza box containers. YOWZA!!! I'm never gonna eat broccoli, even if a certain person I'm in love with tried to entice me with it. But I can do a lot more home cooking and not have do deal with the added cost of take out. And if my friend from Lake Herman gets a bumper crop of carrots or corn in his garden, perhaps he'd be willing to share in the bounty?!?

Anyway, I'm a bit nervous, and excited at the same time... and it's not from the Hydroxycut I'm taking either. Wish me luck!

Work Kudos

I enjoy what I do for a living... there is nothing I would rather do to make money than to talk in front of a microphone, entertaining thousands of listeners on a daily basis, be it in a studio, on the gridiron, in the gym, or on the diamond.

To be honest, I've never thought of my career as "work". I've had plenty of "jobs", from working as a dispatcher for a now-defunct delivery company in Sioux Falls, to working as a technical writer for a display company, to even trying my hand at teaching in hig school. With the exception of the teaching, each of my jobs were just that, jobs. Something to go in for 8 hours a day and collect a paycheck every two weeks.

But being in radio has been different. I've felt a genuine sense of pride and satisfaction in the five-plus years I have been at KJAM. Whether it's a state tournament game, or updating folks about a thunderstorm at 11:30 at night, I feel like I really make a difference in the lives of our listeners. Add the fact that I absolutely enjoy what do for a living, and sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm actually getting PAID for this!

And now, it seems I've received some recognition to boot!

The South Dakota bureau of the Associated Press has decided that I'm a good enough writer to get an award. First place in the Sports Story catagory for the State AP Radio Contest, to be accurate. Turns out, I edged some heavy competition like Steve Imming and Jerry Oster of WNAX, and Craig Mattick and Bob Lasowski of KWSN.

To be even named in the same breath as these radio icons is one thing, but to have actually surpassed them... well... it's quite humbling. Especially since I worked with Craig on numerous occasions and I ALWAYS have my radio tuned in the fall to WNAX to catch Steve and Jerry and my beloved Jackrabbits on the gridiron.

I guess what this award tells me is that I did make the right choice in my career. Granted, I felt I made the right choice early on, but to be recognized by one's peers is quite special.

While I appreciate the award, I don't look on it as a high point in my career. If anything, I'm more proud of my fellow co-workers Jim Otis and Dylan Steen. They've been in radio a combined three years and got an "Honorable Mention" in the Talk/Public Affairs catagory with their "KJAM Sports Sandwich" program. These two young gentlemen took some initiative early in their careers and they got some well-deserved recognition for it. And for that, I'm very proud of them!

Sadly, my trip to Chicago and a freak snowstorm has kept me from getting my award. But as soon as I get it in my hot little hands, I'll take a picture (I found my camera!) and post it here.

A little worse for wear...

Well, kids, I'm back from vacation... rested, but a little worse for wear.

I did enjoy Chicago. I loved going to the museums, and spending time with my friend Nicci. Unfortunately poor timing and injuries put the kibosh on my complete enjoyment.

Injuries... hmm... biffing it in Millennium Park and a twisted ankle that kept me holed up in bed put a damper on my trip. I mean, if I wanted to sit and watch TV, I could have stayed home and not have spent all that money.

Bad timing... my friend Nicci, whom I like more than a friend. Fact of the matter is, I'm still in love with her, even after all the crap we've been through. Fact is, I tried to propose to her. I told her I would give up every thing in my life to be with her... my job, my friends, everything. But she wouldn't let me propose. So it put me in a bit of a funk.

I can see why, though. She has a lot of stuff coming up over the next six months and the last thing she wants to worry about is being engaged or married. She also says she has feelings for me, but I think she's also putting up a shell around herself when it comes to me. I can see why... after all we've been through, I guess I'd be a little cautious too. She says she needs time... I can see that. But I told her that I've felt this way for a long time and that six months isn't going to change that anytime soon. And that after we've been friends for a while and I've worked on myself (she knows what I mean), I'm going to ask again. And if after that she says "no" (she never said "no" this time, just didn't let me ask), well, I guess I gave it the ol' college try.

It wasn't a complete disaster, though. I did get to spend time with her, which is worth the plane ticket itself. I also got to have dinner with Dan and Jenn, two friends of mine from college whom I haven't seen for a LONG time. Dan, Jenn, when are you two coming out to see me in South Dakota? LOL

But now I go back to work today... perhaps not totally refreshed, but hey, I get three weeks of vacation a year, and I'll take another one after football! Besides, we have a new news director starting (I hope) and I have an award to pick up!

Hoisting the Anchor...

No, this is not about boating... or my upcoming vacation to Chicago. I'm actually going to do a positing on my industry, broadcasting. More specifically, the situation at CBS news.

There has been a lot of talk lately about CBS News... the crown jewel of the "Tiffany Network" has been taking a lot of hits over the past few years. First of all, it was the "Memogate" episode in which host Dan Rather aired a dubious document about Dubya's time in the Air National Guard. That gave CBS a pretty big black eye in the terms of credibility, but it looked like things were on the upswing after Rather stepped down from the anchor desk and Bob Schieffer took over in the interim.

Frankly, I liked Bob. He knew he was in a "storekeeper" mode with the show until someone "better" came along(I know that feeling all too well!), but he really seemed to build back a lot of trust that had all but disappeared just a few short months before. In fact, viewer numbers were increasing as well. I think in a lot of ways, Schieffer reminded a lot of people of Walter Cronkite... an elder statesman that stuck to the facts, without personal bias or hidden agendas. People like me really appreciate that, especially since we have Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olberman, Rush Limbaugh, and Ed Schultz constantly bombasting us with their opinions.

And then there was Katie.

It seemed like a novel approach. Take a very popular host from a very popular show to freshen up the news cast. I was looking forward to seeing Ms. Couric take on a more serious tone, to really let her journalistic chops fly. In fact CBS even got good ol' "Uncle Walter" off his sailboat long enough to record the introductory voice-over as a symbolic "passing of the torch".

After an outstanding first month of ratings, the program dropped like the proverbial stone.

I think a lot of it has to do with image. For the better part of two decades, Couric was the perky, giggly person who got people's mornings off to a good start on "Today." I think that image, combined with an emphasis on "soft" stories put in the minds of many people that Couric, whether accurate or not, lacked the gravitas to do hard news. And it eroded the credibility of CBS even further.

Now the scuttlebutt is that CBS is looking to replace Couric before her contract is up. Some speculate that it may even happen before the political conventions this summer. While both Couric and CBS deny the rumors, enough buzzing is going on about it that makes one wonder if there isn't some merit.

IF Couric leaves, as has been suggested, the question becomes "Who takes over?" Schieffer says he's not interested in the big chair, citing his age. Frankly, if I got dumped on my derrière like that, I probably wouldn't be too keen on going back for more, either. Others like Randall Pinkston, John Roberts, and Lara Logan keep popping up as in-house reporters who have anchor experience and could take over.

But here's a little bit of juicy speculation, especially for you conspiracy buffs.

Right now, CBS is looking at outsourcing much of the news department's work and resources to CNN. If this should happen (and from the reports of CBS News laying off personnel, it just might.), I wonder if someone like Anderson Cooper or Christianne Armanapour could find themselves at "Black Rock"?

It could be a win-win situation. CBS would regain credibility in the news world with an established journalistic presence but at a much-lower price than Couric's $15-million a year asking fee. It would also cement the agreement between both networks, should that come to fruition. It could make CBS the big kid on the block once again.

Or it could blow up in their faces, and CBS will have to spend the next 30 years trying to climb out of the cellar while pundits bemoan the demise of a once-great organization.

Really "Fowl" Balls

Sometimes, things just come across your desk that makes you stop and scratch your head for about four or five minutes. Such was the case this afternoon.

I received a press release from the Sioux Falls Canaries in my work e-mail. Normally, these releases talk about promotions planned for the season or players that are signed, traded, or have been signed to a major league club. But this one... well... here are some of the "highlights"!

The Sioux Falls Canaries and [name removed to cover my ass] are teaming up to this summer to bring Fowl Balls to concession stands at the Birdcage. The venture makes Sioux Falls Stadium the first sports venue in the country to offer their fans a chance to enjoy turkey testicles.

Turkey WHAT?!?!?

The breaded and fried nature of the Fowl Balls make them a great appetizer to enjoy with your favorite dipping sauce as an alternative to onion rings or mozzarella sticks.

I can just see it now... "Sorry darling, but the concession stand ran out of onion rings and mozzarella sticks. So I got you the deep fried reproductive organs off a male turkey!"

“The Fowl Balls will make a perfect compliment to a cold beer at the Birdcage,” said Canaries Director of Food & Beverage Bill Sedelmeier.

A lot of beer, Bill... a LOT of beer!

The food item is considered a delicacy in China and Japan.

YOU MEAN THAT WASN'T GENERAL TSO'S CHICKEN I WAS EATING THE OTHER NIGHT!?!?!?!?!

Two morals to this story.

1) I really need to get out more.
2) The next time you go after a foul ball, make sure you specify which balls you're after... I might just need you to get me another beer!

So long, Conde School.

Conde School Votes To Dissolve

Barring some miracle, the Conde School District will cease to exist by 2009.

That means this years' sophomores will not graduate from their home school. Rather, they will get their diplomas from Northwestern, Doland, Groton, and Warner. A shame.

It also means that the Doland/Conde athletics cooperative will also cease to exist. Doland will no doubt go back to its old nickname of the "Wheelers". Or they may continue to honor their partner school and former rival and continue to be the "Chargers". Doland could find itself co-oping with Clark (rather doubtful, considering they are already planning a co-op with Willow Lake) or head west and set up shop with Redfield.

I was a part of the Doland/Conde Athletics Cooperative for a year, serving as the junior high football coach as well as a volunteer assistant for the varsity team. One of my fondest memories was driving back from a game in Langford (about a 2-hour drive) in a Suburban full of statisticians, student managers, and about 35 dirty shoulder pads and jerseys. Needless to say, we drove all the way back to Conde (and eventually Doland) with the windows down!

And though my time in education was brief, I sure enjoyed being a Charger. I realized how much I loved coaching and always thought how nice it'd be to do that again. Of course, with my current occupation and the fact that my Fridays are pretty booked with football games to announce, that doesn't seem very feasible.

I'm not sure what rhyme or reason I'm giving to this post. Perhaps it's just my own thoughts and reflections at 2:30 in the morning. It could be that I'm lamenting a part of my past that is fading away. Or it's my way of honoring the soon-to-be memory of a little school in the northeast part of the State that fought to the last battle.

In any case, my issues now resolved with that part of my life, I wish the folks of Conde well. And I tell the students... "Go Chargers!"