Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Pallin's best-friend's-sister's-boyfriend's-cousin's nieghbor's dog Gulty of Selling counterfeit Catnip...

News at 11!

Okay, the election has been over for nearly two months... Obama is putting his leadership team in place... The "Cool" hipsters are walking with a bit more swagger in their steps... life goes on.

So why in the HELL is the Argus Leader running stories about former VP Candidate Sarah Pallin's daughter's boyfriend's mother getting busted for drugs?

I can only think of one of two reasons....

1) Last digs on the Republicans, which is kinda childish and stupid, to be honest.

2) Too lazy to post anything of real substence in the margin.

This is a big honking clunker of a story... frankly, who cares? And to be honest... there are more important things we need to worry about:

1) Why didn't Heidi and Spencer from "The Hills" get married in the courtroom?

2) What is up with Adrian Peterson fumbling the football so many times against the Falcons?

3) Does this shirt match with these pants?

4) What is more appropriate to bring to a Christmas potluck, pie or cookies?

5) Why must I always spill ketchup on my white t-shirts?

6) Oprah??? or Uma???

7) Will my aunt make more of Grandma Driscoll's coconut bon-bons for Christmas Eve?

8) Why do I put an even number of socks in the washer and come out with an odd number EVERY FREAKING TIME?!?!

9) Did I leave the stove on?

10) Can I stop feeling dirty because I rooted for the Packers last night? After all, it was so the Vikings could make the playoffs!

ALL THESE THINGS COMBINED have more relevance than what Sarah Palin's daughter's boyfriend's pot-smoking mamma does! And for those who think for some reason it's still important, I have one piece of advice for you...

GET A LIFE!

Happy Festivus, all you rest-of-us!

1 comment:

The Big B said...

I know this post is a month old, but I just discovered your blog, and I'm also kind of a smartass, and I just couldn't resist. I had to answer your questions. So here we go:

1) Why didn't Heidi and Spencer from "The Hills" get married in the courtroom?

I'm not going to get off to a good start here, but I don't watch this particular show.

2) What is up with Adrian Peterson fumbling the football so many times against the Falcons?

He didn't maintain the 3 (or is it 4?) points of contact and instead chose to carry the football like a loaf of bread.

3) Does this shirt match with these pants?

Ummmm..... 12!

4) What is more appropriate to bring to a Christmas potluck, pie or cookies?

Private function, pie. Church function, depends on denomination, but remember for a Lutheran function the answer is always cookies.

5) Why must I always spill ketchup on my white t-shirts?

Because you're a guy and that's what guys do. Also, you have a ready supply on hand for those 3 p.m. fries you know you want.

6) Oprah??? or Uma???

Oh, boy. Uma. Hands down.

7) Will my aunt make more of Grandma Driscoll's coconut bon-bons for Christmas Eve?

If you like those as much as I like my aunt's lefse, I sure hope so.

8) Why do I put an even number of socks in the washer and come out with an odd number EVERY FREAKING TIME?!?!

It's not your washer, it's your dryer that's evil.

9) Did I leave the stove on?

Yep. But it's okay, there wasn't anything on the burner you didn't turn off.

10) Can I stop feeling dirty because I rooted for the Packers last night? After all, it was so the Vikings could make the playoffs!

Yes, you can stop, because it's not a "boy am I going to catch hell from my buddies in the morning for this" thing you did.