Don't Quit

When I do my workouts, I usually see this poem near the fitness desk at the Madison Community Center. It provides me a lot of inspiration... not only during my workout, but when things seem a little overwhelming in my life.

I thought I'd share it with you. Enjoy!

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are High ,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with it's twists an turns,
As everyone of us must sometimes learn,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you cannot quit.

--Unknown Author

A "Weighty" issue on my mind...

So far, so good... It's been 2 months since I reached my goal of 180 pounds. I gained about 8 of them back over the holidays, but I've shed about 4 of them so far. Losing the weight is easy... keeping it off isn't!

But the issue I seem to have deals more with my own self-perception. When I was 280 pounds, I had to make sure I would be able to move around in certain places, including booths at restaurants. So every time I go to sit down at a booth or move around a tight spot, I'm surprised at how easy I can navigate without sucking in my gut.

Yet the self-image still remains. I sit at home or at work and I still see myself as being 280. I used to use a lot of self-depreciating humor as a way breaking the tension. I still seem to use that, but it seems more like a crutch.

But the most obvious thing is when people, attractive women especially, tell me that I'm good-looking and "sexy". Usually when people have told me that in the past, my B.S. meter kicked in and I start to wonder what they wanted from me. In other words, I didn't feel they were honest, and I'm still a little skeptical

And to be honest, I STILL don't feel attractive. I don't know if it's simply a lack of confidence or perhaps all that self-depreciating humor finally ingrained itself after 20-odd years. I look in the mirror and I still see that gut hanging out over my belt, or as my dad calls it the "Dunlap Disease".... as in my gut "dun lap" over my belt!

I'm happy with everything else... that I don't run out of breath when I run up a flight of stairs... That I don't get heartburn in the middle of the night... and that I have more energy during the day. I guess this issue is just something I need to work through.

Soul-Searching

So it's been about two weeks, and I haven't made contact with the ex-siggy. Nor has she tried to make contact with me.

Que Sera, Sera.

While I'm disappointed that the relationship didn't work out, I wasn't crushed by its failure either. It seemed as though the last couple of weeks, she was keeping me at arm's distance. Always on the computer, some nights saying less than 20 words to me. So when she split with me, it didn't really come as any big surprise.

On the rare moments that I haven't been preoccupied with sports and work, I've done a little soul-searching on why I wasn't more broken-up. Perhaps it was we weren't together that long. Perhaps I was expecting her to disappear like she did three years ago. Perhaps my experience with Nicci left me a bit more calloused than I had anticipated. Or perhaps it's as my mom said... I was in love more with the idea of being in a relationship than the person.

I think it's a combination of all of the above.

In any case, it seems as though she has a new person in her life... Good for her. If she's looking to make me jealous, she isn't. I wish her the best of luck.

In the meantime, I'm business as usual. I've been re-connecting with old friends, working out (as usual!), and generally enjoying my life.

But I learned a lesson... getting into a relationship just to be in one is never a good thing. It's not worth the added stress! LOL

I'M NOT SICK!

One of the salespeople at the station told me that some of the older residents of Madison have been asking if I was sick. I guess they saw my weight loss and my lack of hair and made assumptions.

I'm here to assure all of you that no, I'm not sick. I don't have cancer. I am very much healthy and feeling better than I have ever felt in my adult life.

As for the bald head... I like it.. I look 10 years younger so I'm gonna keep the look for a while. Actually, I look better now than I did when I WAS 23!

So please, spread the word...

I'M NOT SICK!!!

Two Mantras...

I have a couple of mantras that I use when working out... motivational phrases, I guess.

One is from a British movie that I'd like to see and as soon as I have some money, I'll rent it...

"Run, Fat Boy, Run!"



The other is one of our slogans at Three Eagles..

"No Excuses! No Complaints! Find a Way!"

Impressive enough, but imagine it in the voice of Louis Gossett, Jr. ala "An Officer and a Gentleman!"



Is it any wonder why I've lost over 80 pounds? LOL

The last time...

The last time I stepped on a scale was back in 1999.

George W. Bush was the governor of Texas.

Bill Clinton was President

And I weighed 250 pounds, according to my D.O.T. Physical

Fast forward a few years, I probably gained another 20-30 pounds and got up to about 270-280 pounds before I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and started working out.

This morning, I broke my 9-year scale-less streak and stepped on the scale.

This morning I weighed 196 pounds... 11 pounds more than I weighed in high school fifteen years ago.

WOW.

I'm still in shock.

Mail Filters

Added another person to my e-mail filter on GMail today... basically, that means I'll never receive another e-mail from them ever again. And good riddance, too!

He knows who he is, and he knows why.

He's not worthy of anymore recognition than that.

A sense of peace...

With finalizing schedules, trying to get board ops to come to meetings, and dealing with people who want me to document every time I take a nap, I can get a little overwhelmed. Add on to that my relationship issues, money issues, and family issues, and I can be one stressed-out Jackrabbit!

But tonight... a sense of peace. Something I haven't had for a while.

Today I got all my stuff done at the station... on time I might add! Then a quick change into my workout gear (note to self... time to do a load of laundry!) and a jaunt over to the Community Center.

I was able to get some lifting in tonight... something I hadn't been able to do last week since I was overworked and under-rested. A hard walk/run on the treadmill and I was looking like I just stepped out of the rain!

Then home for a quick shower, a quick supper (Lemon Chicken Piccatta... from Weight Watchers), and a little chatting with friends and for a while, all my stress is inconsequential. Not a bad feeling, mind you.

Of course, in three months, I'll be going on a week's vacation. I'm pretty sure I'll be heading out to Wisconsin to spend time with my family. To be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to taking my new car out and getting some good mileage on her. But I need to replace the antenna cable so I can actually listen to the radio! LOL

The last time I saw my aunt and her family was when Grandpa Hendrickson passed away. That's one of my big regrets, not spending more time with Grandpa. But when you're an 8-hour drive from him, a quick jaunt over to visit wasn't very feasible. But I've been to Nasville twice, to Chicago twice; there's no good reason why I can't pack up the Malibu and hit the open road to Sturgeon Bay!

But as much as I'm looking forward to seeing my family, I'm looking forward to the drive itself. To be able to spend 8 hours with me and my thoughts... there's a certain peacefulness in that solitude. That, and listening to my Bruce Springsteen and Buck Owens CDs! LOL

In fact, I feel so peaceful now, I think I'll turn in.

Sleep well.

Random things...

This has been one of the more eventful weeks, to be sure!

State Amateur Baseball is underway. Tomorrow is going to be a test of endurance. Two games in Mitchell, then roar to Dells to host araoke. Yikes! I'll be sleeping good that night!

Congratulations to two of my cousins. One is a new mother, while another his girlfriend are now engaged. Perhaps I'll make it to THAT wedding! LOL

No comment from you-know-who... but then again, I blocked her address from my main e-mails too. OOPSIE! Guess I get the last word after all!

Kinda tough in the marriage department for a couple of friends of mine as they're going through or just starting divorces. It's a bummer, but when the divorce rate in the US is hovering around 50%, the averages are sure to play out sooner or later!

I'm starting to think about another vacation. Especially after the diaster that was Chicago and with you-know-who. I'm thinking of either heading out to the Black Hills for a week, or taking a tour of Door County and visiting relatives. Last time I saw Steve and Chloe was Grandpa Hendrickson's funeral 10 years ago. That's WAY too damn long! I'm making it a point to take a week off after basketball and a week off after football to give myself a chance to refresh and recharge my batteries. That way I'm not so damn cranky all the time!

Took a trip to the Sioux Empire Fair to see Little Big Town and Jake Owen. Jake was excellent, LBT was a bit off. But then one of their leads was sick so that can throw you off. But I had a good time and it was a blast hanging out with my brother Mark. I haven't had a chance to do that too much lately.

Nothing yet in terms of prospects in the dating horizon. I WOULD like to get married and have a family BEFORE I'm too old to remember any of it! LOL

That's about it for now. Stay Groovy!