A "Weighty" issue on my mind...

So far, so good... It's been 2 months since I reached my goal of 180 pounds. I gained about 8 of them back over the holidays, but I've shed about 4 of them so far. Losing the weight is easy... keeping it off isn't!

But the issue I seem to have deals more with my own self-perception. When I was 280 pounds, I had to make sure I would be able to move around in certain places, including booths at restaurants. So every time I go to sit down at a booth or move around a tight spot, I'm surprised at how easy I can navigate without sucking in my gut.

Yet the self-image still remains. I sit at home or at work and I still see myself as being 280. I used to use a lot of self-depreciating humor as a way breaking the tension. I still seem to use that, but it seems more like a crutch.

But the most obvious thing is when people, attractive women especially, tell me that I'm good-looking and "sexy". Usually when people have told me that in the past, my B.S. meter kicked in and I start to wonder what they wanted from me. In other words, I didn't feel they were honest, and I'm still a little skeptical

And to be honest, I STILL don't feel attractive. I don't know if it's simply a lack of confidence or perhaps all that self-depreciating humor finally ingrained itself after 20-odd years. I look in the mirror and I still see that gut hanging out over my belt, or as my dad calls it the "Dunlap Disease".... as in my gut "dun lap" over my belt!

I'm happy with everything else... that I don't run out of breath when I run up a flight of stairs... That I don't get heartburn in the middle of the night... and that I have more energy during the day. I guess this issue is just something I need to work through.

$1.40

So I'm doing some number-crunching...

Amount spend on 7 months membership at the Madison Community Center, $140

Amount of weight lost... 100 pounds.

140/100=1.4

$1.40 a pound... Oh my God... I'M CHEAPER THAN HAMBURGER!!!!

Water... genius!

So I did something really stupid yesterday.

I decided to work out, which wasn't the stupid thing. I did 45 minutes on the Eliptical trainer and was feeling pretty good. So I went for a swim for another 20 minutes, followed by 10 minutes in the hot tub. After that, I spent 20 minutes in the sauna.

Guess what I didn't do? That's right... I forgot to drink some water. THAT was the stupid thing.

So when I stepped into the locker room after the sauna, I collapsed faster than the stock market. One minute I was standing and getting ready to shower off, the next I was kissing the locker room floor. Good thing I didn't hit my head on anything--as if I could have caused any more drain bammage!

It was an interesting sensation... my arms were tingling, I was light-headed and I felt nauseous. Not the smartest thing I've done, but it sure was a hell of a lesson in physiology!

Needless to say, I drank plenty of water after this morning's workout... and I stayed the hell away from the sauna!

Two Mantras...

I have a couple of mantras that I use when working out... motivational phrases, I guess.

One is from a British movie that I'd like to see and as soon as I have some money, I'll rent it...

"Run, Fat Boy, Run!"



The other is one of our slogans at Three Eagles..

"No Excuses! No Complaints! Find a Way!"

Impressive enough, but imagine it in the voice of Louis Gossett, Jr. ala "An Officer and a Gentleman!"



Is it any wonder why I've lost over 80 pounds? LOL

The last time...

The last time I stepped on a scale was back in 1999.

George W. Bush was the governor of Texas.

Bill Clinton was President

And I weighed 250 pounds, according to my D.O.T. Physical

Fast forward a few years, I probably gained another 20-30 pounds and got up to about 270-280 pounds before I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and started working out.

This morning, I broke my 9-year scale-less streak and stepped on the scale.

This morning I weighed 196 pounds... 11 pounds more than I weighed in high school fifteen years ago.

WOW.

I'm still in shock.